Well today 20th August 2011 was Phil's funeral
WHAT A TURN OUT
He was loved by alot of people, there werent enough space in the church for everyone, there were people still flooding outside the church, it was a nice saying goodbye but sad at the same time.
I was doing fine until i touched the casket as i carried him into the church....that was hard, he was heavy and i cried, i really did cry, i tried to hold together and thought na stuff that, im going to cry if i wanna cry, this is my baby cousin and i want him back.
PHIL
Im still angry at you, in face very angry, i have cried sooooo much in the last week the most i have ever cried before, i cant believe it, you took your life and left so much pain behind, so many people behind, and most of all so many WHYS, WHY phil, just WHY, why would you do that to family and friends who love you...
I will forgive you as you thought this was the only way out but i wont forgive you RIGHT now, will take some time, i know you thought about it and did it, it was YOUR choice and no-one could of said or done anything to stop this, if we stopped it this time there may have been another time.
Hearing how you did it just shakes me up and i cant understand that at all, you were a tall boy 6' 3 and it was a small cupboard, you had to be on your knees holding yourself up...something that has gone though my mind SO much and i guess it will stay there until my brain will process and let it go.
Phil i am disappointed in you but i understand you needed to do it, you had to do it, you felt you had no where else to go, but i wish just wish you could of thought about everything you were to leave behind.
Sadly its been a week now and well there is NOTHING we can do at all, its all over, you are in the place you wanted to be in, you are now flying high in the sky, pick a star and shine on bright.
One day i will see you again, just not anytime soon...
RIP Phil, you will be missed but will forever be in my heart
25 Dec 1989 - 13 Aug 2011
5 comments:
Awww how beautiful darl.. So sad to watch this boy grow into a wonderful man to find him no longer here but in a peaceful place. RIP Phil and I hope you are happier where you are. Awesome family who love you heaps.
I feel for you, I never knew Phil but I have a friend who says she was very close with him. Sending you good thoughts <3
thanks heaps <3
having been through this kind of thing recently i feel for you so much, and even though we haven't even met I care, i don't know exactly what he did but i know the pain you are feeling and the unanswered questions, know that it does hurt less and you will get on with your life but I know you will never forget just learn by it and help others:)
Stupid Germany wont let me see the video... Hmpf.
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