Life wonders

Life is a funny thing you think you have it all planned and bang utter changes again. I think its a way to nite get us use to one thing.

Problem is I have always loved taking photos and well I my grades were never that good to do the photography class. When I moved highschool in form 5 year 11 I went to a school that I didn't see photography instead childcare classes so I did those.

In. 2002 I left school and went right into a job at 17 so finished year 12

The first job I applied for in a childcare centre I got. And since then its been pretty much what I do. Every so often I switch it up but always end up back in childcare.

So I just recently signed up to a childcare course and never heard from them so decided to try photography since I kept getting told my photos were good. Then out of the blue bang life change again its the course they needed me to take something in. So now I'm waiting again fir a call gore an interview to see if I have made the but or not.

I'm faced with hard choices I love doing the photography but that will be a while before I can actually live off it.

If I get into the course it will be full time, then 12 hours or more either working other not in a centre, then study in my own time cause lets face it this course isn't that easy I would know attempted it in 2005 and then again 2008. Then on top of all that I need to .make sure two kids are at preschool or school depending the time of year and then photography aswell plus find time for me and gotta take kids yo their sports. That'd a long list of things do something will have to give.

I can't cancel on the kids, I can't cancel on me having a bachelor behind me, and I can't cancel on me time cause face it without me time and a break that'd when stress kicks in and stress for me equals being in hospital and bad scared up legs. So yup photography will be put on the cancel burner, maybe change it to every so often but not always or special things like birthdays, weddings etc.  But all we be revealed once I get these last important phone calls.

Everything will then fall into place like it does and bang another life change just thrown in there cause life would so be boring without it.

Yup another in bed night ramble from me

Late Night thinking

You knöw when you feel alone friendless and you blame everything that happened years ago? When you remember you had friends at school then well you moved away and not many maybe 1 stayed in contact? Then as you got older you ran away from problems and lost more friends but gained others until you had to move again?

Yup welcome to me. I blame moving so much. I moved alot sand just kept losinng friends over and over and I find it hard to make friends at the best of times.

Then as you get older become an adult it happens all over again you move from here to there from there to here with kids in tow.  Then something hits you something hard hits you.

Do I want this really to happen to my kids lose then friends? Do I really need to move around more and still feel lonely whereever I go cause I find it hard to make friends, what about my kids they are kids they find it simple at the moment.

As they get older wouldn't it be nice to see those friendsships blossom. Yes I think it would

Yes don't get me wrong I have a few that have stood there and watched me move from here to there and there to here but really has it done me any favours prob not. Yes I've met new people making new friendsships which us great. Just sometimes you want some of those old friends back you knöw the ones you spent alot of time with. Sadly it doesn't always happen.

Sometimes friendsships need a end cause you find your a giver and people learn this and only come to you when they want something or you have information they want. You learn to watch for these people and stay clear sadly some will slip though and you have to be the judge of that and stand up for yourself.  No us actually a magic word you say no when you don't actually want to do something ypu feel you have to or they will get hurt. Too bad you can't always give to the same you gotta have some room to move and feel you can receive.

Yes new beginning are always hard and I guess that is what this year will teach me. Life seems to give us things to teach and its wheather we grab on and follow or turn the other way. You can always mend friendsships they do take time though.

One thing having kids has taught me going and saying hi doesn't hurt actually something good may come of it. Another things kids have taught me staying grounded is prob not the end of the world but will help them in the long run.

Funny the things you think about and have to write down wheather lying in bed trying to sleep. Stupid brain you can shut off now do I can sleep?