downwards

You know that feeling where you feel alone?

where you just want the world to stop?

where everything you do seems to go wrong?

Or when those kids just fight and dont stop, causing you to stress, pull your hair out and just dont know what to do but question your parenting.

Yup Im there at the moment, in that little world, a world far from here.

Its one of those places I know I can get out of but the when and can this time is the question, i have been feeling like im in a bad place for a week or two now and its not getting any better, i guess the upside is my house is clean.

Where your head tells you one thing and everything else says something different, you have all those questions in your head and just cant shake them to answer them.

Well at the moment we are on hoildays from preschool..bad move? yes yes i do think so, i dont think i should of taken them out of preschool for a hoilday, i think i should of just left them in and only have them home on the public hoildays.  Since they have been home in non stop fighting with each other or auguring with me, even a trip to the supermarket yup my faster shop EVER I was in and out with EVERYTHING i needed in 45mins they just didnt stop in there.  Got home sent to bedrooms because well im not dealing with that fighting at the moment they can have time out from each other and me.

30mins later Lukas has FINALLY learnt he isnt going to win this fight and is finally in his room playing.  Think lunchtime is a good time to let them out thats an hour break from each other.

So back to this downward spin.

Im not 100% sure what is going on, it could be that they cant work out what is wrong with me and my pains at the moment, or it could be that my kids and their medical problems are eating me up inside, or it could be that ive just been told my cat has a heart problem.  Either way something is doing it. Maybe that my 4 year old is working at a level much older than what she is and trying to think of ways to deal with this.

Lots of maybes can happen around things and when you feel this way your head doesnt stop, maybe its the lack of sleep im getting for some stupid reason im waking every 2 hours for nothing.  I have tried the jotting things down on paper and well that is always useless when it comes to the morning as i dont jot anything.  I do remember picking up the pen and the paper but thats as far as i get or remember.

Maybe i need to find that happy place again, or go on a hoilday leaving all that household stuff for a while, have some fun somewhere along the line, cause lets face it, when you deal with kids all day long and you dont go places to have fun yup it will hit you. and when it does it hits you hard.  Guess thats where im going.

I will win the fight just going to take me a little while to do it